Sanjay Das, President & Operations Supervisor of Always Best Care asks a question at TBJ's 2015 Health Care Symposium

Not the best photo, but it was really about the question around involvement of primary care physicians in quality of care of patients, including seniors.

TBJ image of the day

Triangle panel agrees: Better incentives needed to keep Americans healthy

Words of Acknowldegement

Last night, Saturday Night Live featured some of its more famous skits over the past 40 years. One particularly funny spoof features a character named Stuart Smalley (created by Al Franken) who dishes out the now famous Daily Affirmation:  "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough" and doggone it, people like me."

Words of affirmation get a jab because they can seem insincere or completely untrue. We laugh when in one episode, Michael Jordan says “I don’t have to be a great basketball player, I don’t have to dribble the ball fast or throw the ball in the basket”.  It sounds ludicrous.

When caring for someone who is chronically ill we are sometimes in that very place where words ring hollow.  I once heard a visitor say “You look good today” to a woman with unkempt hair and gray-tinted skin.  She rolled her disbelieving eyes at me as if to say, does he think I’m blind or just mind-numb. The visitor wasn’t trying to be disrespectful; he was using misplaced words of affirmation.

This discomfiture about what to say is why some people abandon visiting their loved ones and friends. But there are ways to communicate which are affirming without being insincere. I would call it using words of acknowledgement. It requires a bit more listening and a willingness to be in the other person’s shoes, if just for a minute. But it is powerful way to connect for caregiver and care-receiver both.

I sat and listened to a former military officer who was sometimes verbally abusive. Both his legs amputated due to diabetes; he was complaining about his care. I simply said to him what was obvious, “You have had a great loss and you must feel terribly angry.”  At first he responded, “You’re damn right I’m angry,” but he then became quiet. “No one has ever acknowledged that to me before.” It was the beginning of cooperation and friendship.

Words of acknowledgement require a gentle kind of truth-telling that can still affirm. You are frustrated but you haven’t given up, to someone struggling with disability. I see you are afraid, but I am impressed with your bravery, to someone facing another round of surgeries. I am sorry this is happening to you, it is hard, to a loved one facing another decline in health.  Words of acknowledgement state what is true. They are true because you have listened to the person in your care and heard what she said, and responded with a strong dose of kindness.

“Not feeling like Sophia Loren today?” I asked the woman after her visitor left. She laughed and said, “Give me a comb!”

Let me know what words of acknowledgement have helped you.

Honoring Valentinus

Pink handmade paper and handmade ornament

Ahem, it's almost upon us. February Fourteenth. Welcomed or reviled, shunned or embraced, this ancient holiday is rarely completely overlooked. (Woe to the young male pursuant if it is). How do you observe this upcoming, heart-adorned holiday? It probably depends on your age, your experience and your pocketbook.

Very few facts are known about Valentinus, the martyred saint (or saints) from the second (or third) century in Rome, whose name adorns this fractious holiday. 

Nonetheless, 18th Century Englishmen took this minor Christian holiday as excuse to send tokens of endearment, usually in the form of confections and flowers; to their beloved, or hope-to-be beloveds. Those supposedly staid and reserved Englishmen were given to ardent and sometimes flowery declarations of devotion. Those expressions of highly idealized romantic love influence many of our traditional customs of buying flowers, giving chocolates and sending mushy Valentine cards.

I enjoy all those traditions, but since Englishmen made up customs to suit their purposes, so can any of us, honoring the spirit of love and affection. Here are three I have observed and enjoyed with others.

Craft day

4th grader heart made of clay

Since kindergarten forward, people like to make and decorate hearts. The handmade lingers long with us, so whip out the paper and doilies, or fabric and lace, or clay and glaze, and make yourself some hearts to give to someone, anyone you love.

Day-After-Party

Don't want to buy in to the commercialism? Feeling just a tad resentful about all this emphasis on romance? Plan a day or two after-party. Buy all those chocolates the day after at half-off. Choose a theme decidedly not romantic, and invite someone you haven't seen lately. Hey, invite someone you barely know, or your neighbor you've been meaning to visit. One woman I know has a several years' running day-after-party. She's created her own tradition.

Acts of random, unexpected kindness

wrapped glass ornament with wire & beads

If there was ever a day you needed or wanted to practice random acts of kindness, now is the time to go-for-it! Buy a stranger a cup a coffee, or grab an extra load of laundry for a friend, or purposefully tell someone what you appreciate about them. If they blush, or protest, you can smile and say “Happy Valentine's Day”. 

A Habit of Joy, Gardening.

"Flowers are the earth laughing," Ralph Waldo Emerson.

A friend and fellow blogger wrote recently about her habits of joy, which included watching an amaryllis bulb sprint to bloom in January. 

This morning I walk out my door to see the daffodil greens emerging out of brown and cold and my heart sings. I never tire of seeing this minor miracle; determined reminders that Spring is coming and that soon the light which beckons these emerald beauties will coax them into explosions of white and yellow. This planting and watching daffodils has been my habit of joy for at least 20 years.

According to Mother Nature Network 43 million Americans or 37% of the population had food gardens in 2009 and the National Garden Association claims that 3 out of 4 Americans have some kind of garden. Growing and tending living things benefit us in so many ways; gives us exercise, gets us outside in the light, deters depression, provides us something delicious to eat, something beautiful to see and a deep sense of accomplishment. If you are one of the 3 out of 4 you already know that.

Adaptive Gardening can bring many if not all of the benefits of gardening to you if you are in some way housebound. Here are just a few ideas.

Put your favorites in pots
Many plants can be tended in a pot. From daffodil bulbs to tomatoes, pansies to parsley, your favorite plant can be brought near to you in the form of a pot. If your garden is right outside on the porch or inside on the patio you will be able to enjoy it and watch it's progress.

Ask for help
I know that fellow gardeners are usually helpful friendly folks and I know some of them would help you weed, or re-pot or sow in season. Even a small assistance from someone, like sowing your marigolds in Springtime or pruning your rosebushes can keep you "in the garden".

Try something new inside
If you haven't explored indoor gardening, now is a good time. If you have sunny windows you can try a small herb garden,  a succulent arrangement or some other tropical addition. Orchids used to be rare and difficult plants to grow but they are now readily available in many grocery stores and simply need steady indirect light and water once a week. Experiment!

Go outside as much as possible
When the temperatures warm, when the sun shines, the gardener wants out! Go outside and see if the maples are reddening, whether the Mockingbirds ate all the holly berries, if the Hellebore's blooming.

Arrange to see another garden too, whether it is simply the neighbor's down-the-street, J.C. Raulston Arboretum or a lovely visit in the garden section of Lowes. Indulge your love for gardening and let me know how you cultivate your habits of joy.

Bond Park Winter Fun

What fun it was to go for a walk to Bond Park and witness some man made and natural delights.


Kids as well as adults were thoroughly enjoying the artificial snow tube/slide area.

The gulls were having a gala time on a blustery, yet bright sunny day on the lake.

Knightdale Chamber of Commerce 2015 Economic Forecast

The Knightdale Chamber of Commerce hosted its annual 2015 Economic Forecast at the Knightdale City Hall, on January 6th, 2015.

Kudos to the chamber team primarily Mary Yount, Executive Director and Sherry Samuels, Administrator for pulling together an excellent event.

NC State University economics professor Mike Walden discussed the national climate and impacts to and from other global economies.


Wake County Manager Jim Hartman talked about the county forecast, and overall it was a good prediction.

Knightdale Mayor Russell Killen covered local predictions.

Pedicures for Seniors by Sunny Miller of Adara Spa

I recently spoke with Sunny Miller, owner of Adara Spa.

Among the various services she and her team provides at Adara Spa, one of them is pedicures for seniors. Adara Spa is located near both Cameron Village and Downtown Raleigh. Sunny has built a wonderful community around her clients, and as always looks for ways to add tremendous value to their lives.




http://www.adaraspa.com/